November 21, 2007
I’ve had exactly two successful classes with the kids I see once a week for Regents’ tutoring. They don’t get grades for the tutoring, so they don’t care, and I only see them once a week so I’m not great with their names/personalities/needs. It’s a terrible class. I admit that. I am terrible at teaching it, and they are terribly behaved.
Today we played Jeopardy! (always my favorite multiple-choice review method). I love listening to the teams whisper angrily “No, stupid, she said Meiji Restoration, that’s when they modernized!” It gets me all giddy when I can hear them remembering what I’ve taught. So that’ll be something nice to take with me over break when I grade 140 essays. (Please kill me.)
BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK!
October 19, 2007
Dear Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater in 6th Period,
You have a 41 average. You have bombed every quiz. You did not hand in a project. You do not write anything down in class. When called on, you make a joke to quickly deflect from the fact that you know nothing about what we are discussing.
So next time you decide to copy someone else’s test, aim a little lower than a 94%. I have trouble believing the same kid who told me that “Jews believe in Christmas and wearing hats” aced every single multiple choice question.
October 3, 2007
Speaking of “unintentionally dirty” things that happen in class, which I was a few days ago, the prize goes to my friend who was teaching 9th graders about Papal corruption during the middle ages, and who announced to a class of 9th graders that “The Pope had really huge balls!”Understandably, nothing else got learned that day.
September 17, 2007
God, it’s still September. How can I already be hearing those awful, terrible words?
“Sorry; there’s nothing left but the long paper.”
September 10, 2007
Apparently 3 weeks in Guatemala is just enough to squeak by. I called parents today and got — naturally — the grandmother at home who spoke no English. But I knew enough Spanish to understand that, to tell her I was the history teacher and her grandson has done no homework and plans to skip tomorrow (he’s the dumbass who told me that in class). Giving her my phone number was quite a bit harder — I started to read her own phone number back to her, which was awesomely stupid, and then panicked and got six and seven mixed up. The other teachers were very helpfully prompting me through their giggles.
Still! Marginal success! That’s all I expected! Huzzah!
September 3, 2007
I’m sick! Of all the things I anticipated going wrong with the first day of school “sore throat I can barely speak through and constant horrible nose-blowing” wasn’t even on my mind.
June 20, 2007
I don’t want you to think I just pick on students when I make fun of people. I make fun of everyone. I believe in equal opportunity mocking. Perhaps I will spend the summer telling stories of all the insanely stupid things I have done while attempting to teach.
In the meantime, there’s this:
As we graded the Global Regents one of my fellow history teachers turned to me. She’s taught all 8 semesters of history at some point, and most recently global.
“This student wrote his essay about Robespierre… He’s that Russian guy, right?”
If we’re going to ask the students to know these things, we should probably learn them ourselves.