they really, really can’t spell

HEY MS. —– THE BEST GLOBAL TEACHER AND TEACHER IN GENERAL THAT I EVER HAD!! OMGG MISZ IMA MISS U SOO MUCH!!! ITS GONNA B SO BORING AND DIFFERENT WITH OUT YOU NEXT YEARR!!! OMGG…WELL I WISH  you THE BEST IN THE NEW SCHOOL YOURE GOING TO TEACH NEXT YEAR! && I HOPE U WONT FORGET ME OFCOURSE! LOL =]…BUT IM JUS WRITING TO TELL U WHAT I JUS TOLD U && FOR MY CHEESY PICTURE THAT YOU TOOK OF ME IN CLASS TODAY! =]… && WISH ME LUCK FOR TOMORROW!!

LOVE UR BEST GLOBAL 4TH PD STUDENT**

[Sic] clearly.

PS — She got a 65.

faux pas

I don’t want you to think I just pick on students when I make fun of people. I make fun of everyone. I believe in equal opportunity mocking. Perhaps I will spend the summer telling stories of all the insanely stupid things I have done while attempting to teach.

In the meantime, there’s this:

As we graded the Global Regents one of my fellow history teachers turned to me. She’s taught all 8 semesters of history at some point, and most recently global.

“This student wrote his essay about Robespierre… He’s that Russian guy, right?”

If we’re going to ask the students to know these things, we should probably learn them ourselves.

flubs and misdemeanors

Most years the Regents we grade are filled with hilarious mistakes. (Did you know Hitler was the leader of the Jews? But “he was a bad leader.” Priceless!) This year the essays were so friggin’ hard the kids didn’t have time to come up with many crazy new historical “facts.” They did manage to be pretty awesome with the short-answers, though.

The reading passage was all about feudal rights owed to the lord of the manor by his serfs. The students had to come up with one advantage the Lord received (free work) and one the serfs received (food for them and their beasts). Most students just read it backward and told us the Lord recieved food, but a few came up with much more creative solutions.

“The serfs receive that they get to carry manure all day.” (Yes, that would be delightful.)

“The serfs get someone to carry their horse for them.”

“The Lord receives that his serfs work for him and in return he gets three breasts.” (HAH. Although I wonder where the “three” came from. Those were some funky serfs.)

cultural literacy II

By the way, when I say the test has a bias based on cultural literacy, here’s what I mean: One of the short-reading passages was about feudal rights, and the obligations a serf owed his lord. One of these was to mow the lawns and hay for his lord.

My students don’t know the word “mow.”

Honestly, if you’d been speaking English for three years and spent all of those three living in the Bronx, you wouldn’t know the word “mow” either. Even the kids who are fluent in English didn’t know “mow.” It’s just not a word city kids run across a lot. It’s not like they have a lawn.

results

The first year our school gave the Global Regents we had an 11% passing rate.

Last year we had a 16% passing rate.

We just got done grading our tests for this year, and we ended up with about 60% passing.

It’s pretty good, and I’m very proud of my students, who worked very hard. A bunch of kids who killed themselves studying only got a 55, but that’s enough to graduate. One student was in the hospital the day of the test; she got dispensation to take it there, and got an 87!

I wish it had been 100% passing,  of course. The number includes several students who are severely special ed (as in, they don’t know the entire alphabet) and lots of kids who’ve only been speaking English for a couple of years. So good job, students! If you got all the way through that test, you earned it.

aftermath

Hey! So a lot more people than usual came to look at my little ol’ blog and learn about the Global Regents. Kids, I’ll tell you what I tell my students; complain complain complain complain. No, really! Let Klein know you think the Regents are unfair, and exactly why. Even better, get your parents to complain. The state board doesn’t listen much to students, and they don’t listen at all to teachers, but they love parents (especially parents who vote). You can send all your letters right here:

State Education Department, Education Building, Albany, New York 12234

Or, if you’d prefer, you can probably find a way to email or call them here.

Meanwhile, we are one day done with grading, and here’s what I’ve learned about the test; lots of it was hard, but there were some easy questions, too. One of our students has been trying for a 65 on this test for 3 years — this time, his 7th time through, he finally got it. The grading rubric is a little bit mean, and the DBQ’s were certainly pretty hard, but they weren’t impossible. The thematic essay was challenging — but just like 9 years out of 10 you could write about Hitler and be totally right.

Maybe next time I’ll post more Helpful Hints before the test.

As for the test yesterday, here’s what the Regents Board wants kids to know:

The Glorious Revolution limited the power of the monarchy.

Mansa Musa and Suleiman both presided over golden ages.

The Inca lived in Peru (and you had to find it on a blank map).

Kim Jong Il was most influenced by Karl Marx. (If you say so.)

Confucianists believe in filial piety.

Bismarck unified Germany (this was nasty, because they put Wilhelm II as a second option).

India and Pakistan have been fighting over Kashmir (this question was so loaded with cultural literacy problems that I can’t even get into it. The other one that really got my goat asked what happened to Hong Kong in 1997, which I never even considered teaching).

I left out the question about Constantinople because I can’t for the life of me remember what the right answer is supposed to be.

Sometime in the next couple of days I’ll put up some of our “better” answers and essay comments. We got some doozies this year.

pop quiz, hot shot

I talk a lot about what a terrible test the Global Regent is. How many of the following can you answer:

What was the “Glorious Revolution”?

What do Mansa Musa and Suleiman the Magnificent have in common?

What modern country was formerly inhabited by the Inca?

The trade route through Constantinople went from where to where?

Kim Jong Il was most influenced by what philosopher?

What is the main teaching of Confucianism?

Who was the nationalist who unified Germany?

What two countries are experiencing conflict over Kashmir?

Okay, now write an essay comparing and contrasting manorialism, mercantilism, and communism.

Those are all questions from today’s test. I took out the multiple choice answers, but they honestly weren’t that helpful — if I asked you whether Suleiman the Great presided over nationalistic expansion or a golden age, would it help you answer? I don’t know what Albany is thinking. I’m a global teacher and I wasn’t sure about two of these answers. How many of you are functioning adults who have no idea what happened during the Glorious Revolution, or how manorialism compares to mercantilism? The test is bullshit.

advice

Another teacher popped into my room 6th period today. “Hey, you got a second? These two [juniors] are freaking out over the Global Regents and they’d like some help. I told them you could fix them up. Thanks!”

Jesus Christ. You want some advice? Come for help and tutoring before the day before the test! Find a teacher who can help you and stay after school! Buy a review book! Go to Regentsprep.org and spend some of your X-Box time there! Stop expecting a miracle!

A lot of people have been finding this page lately searching for “June 2007 Global Regents” and such. I’ll give you the same advice I gave those two students today (oh my god start studying WEEKS before the test, not HOURS):

• Don’t leave the room until you’ve at least tried every part of the test. Most kids fail because they leave one of the essays blank.
• Go through the multiple choice twice. First, do the questions you know. Then write your essays. Spend the remaining time on the hard multiple choice questions; that way you won’t waste time on a question you don’t know the answer to.
• Bring water. It’ll be hot as hell tomorrow.
• Come early to the test and bring your flashcards. The test always starts late. Why not study for those ten minutes while you’re waiting?
• Plan out your essay before you write it. Make sure you read EVERY BULLET POINT in the directions.
• Look for key words. If the question says “Rome” the correct answer will say “laws” or “legal system” somewhere.
• Eliminate multiple choice answers that are wrong.
• The answer to map and graph questions is always in the map key or the title. READ IT.
• For the love of god, when you’re retaking this test in August, START STUDYING IN JUNE.

the end

Wow, I had no intention of not posting for… two weeks? A week and a half? A long time, anyway. Things have just been out of control around here in lots of ways I’m not really allowed to talk about right now, and between sleeping, planning, getting ready for the Regents (oh, god) and various visitors, it never even occured to me I had a blog.

Hi, blog.

We are, indeed, in crunch time for the Global Regents; there are approximately 26 class days left until June 13th, 1:15 PM, when it’ll be My Kids Vs. The Regents, and we all know who usually wins that fight. (I say “approximately” because no two calendars around here show the same number of days left.) I’ve devised a cunning system to trick them into studying, and so far it’s working pretty well. I think I might take pictures and show y’all tomorrow. I am mildly inordinately proud of the fact that so far it’s working.

This is supposed to be the easy time of year, when we’re sailing to the end. In reality, everyone is exhausted, the heat is still on in my classroom, the kids are grumpy, I’m grumpy, and it feels like June 13th, 1:15 PM is simultaneously going to happen THIS SECOND or never.

It’s 5:38, and I’m seriously considering heading for bed. I love this job!

things I learned today

The best part of grading the Regents is all the fun and interesting information I get from the students’s essays.

“In the midst of WWI Hitler was aboard. Hitler was a German and sought to see that Jews were bad. That Jews were to blame for everything that was going wrong. The only reason why the violation stopped was because the Europeans heard what they were doing and were going to put a stop to it and next thing you know Hitler and his people disappeared.”

“Hitler killed the Jews because they wanted to trade with China despite the Mongols in Kiev which makes the Jews want to go to Europe and there was predestination in Switzerland.”

“Jews in Europe were blamed by the Roman Empire for spreading the Black Death in WWII.”

“Many people in Europe died and Nelson Mandela was sentenced to jail.”