for the record

As it turns out, 9th graders OVERWHELMINGLY believe that gladiator fights are totally okay and should be reinstated immediately. They are slightly less in favor of man vs. lion, but only because it’s “not a fair fight.”

idk, my bff 9th graders?

Y’all, I have a student so dyslexic he actually said out loud in class today:

“Wow, that’s Greece? OGM!”

It was particularly funny watching the other students slowly work out what he was talking about.

robot children

My students wrote dialogue to perform in class between different castes. My Untouchables sang and danced “It’s a Hard Knock Life.” In another group, a princess ran off with a low-caste boy and then they both committed suicide when their parents caught them. It was unspeakably awesome.

The best part, though, was that I told them I had a headache (and I did, ow, caffeine-no-sleep migraine bad) so they all applauded for each other American Sign Language style, hands in the air. “Wow,” I said, “that was awesome. How did you guys all learn that?”

They rolled their eyes at me. “Miss,” said one of the boys, “you told us about that, like, the second day of school. Don’t you remember?”

Uh. No. But I’m excited that they do!

bad choices

Dear Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater in 6th Period,

You have a 41 average. You have bombed every quiz. You did not hand in a project. You do not write anything down in class. When called on, you make a joke to quickly deflect from the fact that you know nothing about what we are discussing.

So next time you decide to copy someone else’s test, aim a little lower than a 94%. I have trouble believing the same kid who told me that “Jews believe in Christmas and wearing hats” aced every single multiple choice question.

Kisses,

Ms. A

secretly I’m an atheist anyway

The unit on belief systems is simultaneously my favorite and least favorite to teach. I love it because it brings up lots of good questions, and students are very engaged. I hate it because it brings up a lot of stereotypes and uncomfortable questions, and because every kid in the room has seen The Passion of the Christ or Borat, or wants to tell me about this one episode of South Park that they saw.

Today I managed an activity I never thought of before, and it worked like gangbusters. I had five volunteers come to the front of the class and do an agree/disagree line about statements like “I would only marry someone from my religion” and “I think about my religion when I decide what to eat, drink, or wear.” Then we labeled the agree disagree line as “reform, conservative, orthodox” and talked about how different families fall in different places, so when we read that “Jews believe X…..” it doesn’t mean every single Jew does the same thing all over the world.

It seemed very effective. We’ll see how it works on Thursday, when we start talking about Christianity and Catholicism. (Oy.)

It’s called “The Black Parade,” because it’s *deep*, man

After some encouragement to be more creative, some of my students have decided to name their continent-projects after My Chemical Romance albums, and I accidentally admitted to knowing who that was. And now I’m cool and it’s disorienting. I’ve never been cool. I’ve worked hard not to be cool to 14 year olds!

My roommate is genuinely astonished that I seem to like my students so much. I keep telling her I couldn’t go back every day if I didn’t find them astonishing and interesting and hilarious and adorable.

I mean, it’s a lot like being an anthropologist studying a new species [Teenagerius Can'tSitStillius ?] in the wild.

expanding your vocabulary

I’m exhausted, and my mom’s in town. Anyway.

I keep forgetting how young 9th graders really are. Like when the textbook they were reading explained that the ancient Sumerians used a series of dikes to keep the rivers from flooding and one boy’s hand shot in the air and he hollered “MISS, WHAT’S A DIKE???” across the room in total sincerity. Or when I told them they could put anything on their maps that they wanted as long as it  was appropriate for school, and another boy announced gleefully “I’m going to call my jungle Jungle Fever. It’ll be great!”

“You can’t call it that; I said appropriate for class.”

“But Miss, that’s something Will Smith says! How can it be inappropriate?”

And then I had to tell them what it meant. Just. If anyone needs me I’ll be napping.

Gandhi helps out

Class today was so much more awesome than I planned it to be! We were reading about Hammurabi’s Code (an eye for an eye, etc.) and discussing whether or not we felt it was fair. I finally remembered to do some structured class discussion techniques (“So A thinks it is fair and B thinks it’s not. C, who do you agree with? Why? D, who do you agree with? Why?”) which helped a lot. But even better, they got worked up enough about it that I created a second activity on the spot; I wrote “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind” on the board and gave them five minutes to silently write about what they thought it meant. It took several minutes of discussion before they worked it out, and once they did they were SO EXCITED. And so was I. We might actually be getting somewhere together!

and now a word from

Just in case anyone was wondering how STUDENTS feel about tests…

“The easiest grade of course was kindergarten because it’s all about nap time, playing, and learning the basics… Once you enter fourth grade and start taking state exams that’s when the pressure builds and you start taking things more seriously.”

“…Third grade was the best there was a lot of partys and more but that when we began the STATE TESTS.”

true story

Jd2718 made a good point here yesterday — I’m moving to a new school, so there probably isn’t much point in planning super far ahead. I have no idea about reading levels or class size or school culture, really, so I can’t even guess how much I can get done in 90 minutes. Once I have the first couple of projects planned out (rubrics and directions, at least) I’ll probably be playing it by ear anyway. This does not bring down my stress level much.

Oh! I know all kinds of awesome teachers read this blog now, so I was hoping you’d be willing to share: What do you do the first day of school? I tried playing a game my first year — that was a disaster, because all it did was convince the kids that my class would be all fun and no work. That is no way to start off. The second year I tried doing procedures, but I wasn’t really organized enough to have tons of systems in place, and I’m not comfortable just talking for 45 minutes. (90, this time.) I don’t have 45 minutes of procedures in place, apparently. So what do you do? Any awesome tips for the first day? (I am Harry Wong’s nightmare, I tell you.)

And now, because this blog has been nothing but whining almost all summer, here is a fun story about a teacher I used to work with a couple of schools ago. He was (is, I guess) pretty traditional, a little bit older, one of those people who has been in the system for a long, long time. He shared a classroom with our awesome Spanish teacher, who was young and enthusiastic and female. So one day she goes in to the room during his class to grab something, and he turns to the students (impressionable 9th graders) and says “Children, do you know where Ms. Spanish Teacher should be right now?” The kids all shrug. “She should be home. She should be raising her children.” No, he wasn’t kidding. “This is why there’s so much crime and violence in the Bronx. Mothers don’t stay home with their children, they go to work, instead. She should be caring for her family, not going to work. A woman’s place is home with her children.”

I’m sorry, did I say “fun story”? I meant “scary as hell story” about the people who are educating your children.